I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
