He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
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Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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