frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm both gender and math confused
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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