you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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