I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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