All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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