i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
