Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
pop tarts are not kleenex
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I need to sanitize my soul.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
