yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
