My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
