Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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