It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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