I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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