I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
