You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
