The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
