I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
