I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
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It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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