between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Girls should come with a carfax report
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
