Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
