Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.