it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
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i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING