she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo