a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers