My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
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I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"