i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
