I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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