So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
