i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
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I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
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He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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