My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
