I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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