when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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