that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
