have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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