just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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