Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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