Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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