he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
