I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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