also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
