My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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