so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize