Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
