you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
