Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
