So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
