Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
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Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
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I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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