my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
