My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
