what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
