I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
