would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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