So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
