She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
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his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
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Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji