Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.