I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.