Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.