Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
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Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time