I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
