One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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