Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
