you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
