Will you blow on my dice?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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