please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
