the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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