Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
