Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
