i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
